Grief

22 July 2018

I’m writing these 3 posts almost a year after my dad passed. I haven’t been able to talk about it much. Losing him has been the hardest thing and I’m still struggling with it. At the advice of some people and as my heart dictated I did some things to aid in my grieving.

I took my full 6 bereavement days off of work and all of my PTO days throughout the year. A sweet colleague even donated a couple of her days to me. It has been the worst for me as far as absences go.

The funeral was the Saturday before I was supposed to start pre-service meetings. Needless to say I was a bit overwhelmed with the idea of starting school so I was excused for most of that week including Back to School Night.

We crammed the car full of Ada’s stuff and moved her into her new place in Cedar to start school at SUU (as if I wasn’t already a huge wreck!). I went hiking with the ransoms up to Kanaraville Falls and saw the shows that I missed the weekend my dad passed.

I took a Sunday and went hiking by myself up to a high mountain lake above Silver Lake. Gary had gone and said it was amazing. I went swimming in it (freezing!) and sat on a boulder and cried and wrote for hours (I had lugged my computer with me all the way up that mountain. Stayed until sundown. Nature is such a huge healer for me and it was something that my dad loved too.

I went to see a therapist and she told me I had depression. She gave me some suggestions of things that might help, conformed that my grief was normal, and listened to me. By the end of September I was in such a bad place that I took a week off of school and followed my therapist’s advice to try to find things that gave me comfort and made me happy. So I did some of my top things…being with Ada, walking the temple grounds, sitting alone atthe beach, and going to Disneyland. 🙂

I picked up Ada and spent some time in Vegas with her.

I visited the Redlands and Newport Beach temples on my way to my little place in Long Beach.

I spent the next couple of days at the beach at various times. Picked up bags of trash. Had great fish too.

Then I spent a couple of days at my Happy Place. I have done lots of Disney Therapy this year. It reminds me of my dad and being there always makes me so happy. I did all the rides that remind me of my dad, I met Santa 🙂 and enjoyed the Halloween decorations all over. My little Mickey was my buddy on the trip.

The next day I went to Universal Studios a place I went several times with my dad. There were lots of new things (Harry Potter) but also some familiar ones (the backlot tour with Back to the Future, the Bates model, and the Jaws exhibit that scared me to death).

On the way home I took sunset photos of the California fauna and then went to the St George temple. So peaceful.

Ada and I also visited the new Cedar City temple in November just before it was dedicated.

I saw my family doctor and started an anti-depressant. I’m still taking one (not the first one because it gave me suicidal thoughts) and I guess it helps.

When I was having a rough time, I had the sweetest surprise. My two darling sisters-in-law Teri and Anne brought me presents every single day. They called it the 12 Days of Happy. 🙂 Day 4 was Ada coming home for the weekend. Day 6 was my favorite Indian food delivered to me at work (too busy eating it to take a photo). They ended the week with Susie patching up the holes in my bathroom walls, Teri and Anne painting it with the cutest turtles ever, a massage, and the sweetest basket of notes from the family. Made me cry and cry. I sure love my Taylor fam.